Every single parent knows that their children are copy-cats. In fact, they mimic so much, and so competently, that they are in effect “copying machines”. They mimic what you say, how you express it, and in what situations you say it. They duplicate the manner by which you move, how you act, how you act in response to things, how you think of other people, and almost anything else you do.

But parents also appreciate that every so often, we intend to teach them something, and they learn something else. As an example, you’re intending to teach your child about gardening and how great it is to grow flowers, but they learn to run away when they catch a glimpse of a caterpillar or a spider, creating a new permanent terror (or simple “great loathing”).

The snag is needless to say that children learn at an exceptional rate. They simply don’t constantly learn that which you desire them to learn. And it’s worse because occasionally you don’t appreciate (or don’t even think about) what you need your child to learn.

But deciding what you require your child to discover is not foremost when you’re sitting alongside your offspring attempting to teach them something. Well, it is critical, but it’s evidently at the front of your thoughts. The vital times are when you are not trying to explicitly teach your child something, but they are going to learn something anyway. It’s in these situations that you truly need to be responsive to what your child is learning.

As an example, if you and your other half are at loggerheads about something, and one of you curses and stamps off rather than coping with the arguement reasonably and equitably, what will your child learn? Well, the initial thing they’ll learn is a brand new word, one that you don’t need them saying in public! The subsequent thing they’re apt to learn is: “when in an argument, run off rather than coping with it.” Or something like that, in any case.

So realising that your youngster is going to learn something in EVERY SINGLE situation they are in is crucial. Choosing in advance what you’d prefer them to find out is something different. And that’s the key reason why the most critical empowering question for parents is: what do I want my child to learn from this?

If you can preserve a question like this in your head as often as possible, and especially where you are extremely emotional or reacting from custom, you’ll start to have a terrific ability to inspire your child even more than you do before now. You’ll be able to show them more of how you intend them to conduct themselves, in a style that’s more like you at your best, rather than you at your worst. You’ll be able to congruently say “do what I do AND say”, without worrying so much about your language and actions being in alignment. You’ll be able to tell your child as they age why you behave like you do, realising that they’ll already have had years of noticing you act in keeping with your ideals and principles.

But… you will only be successful in doing this if you have a critical attitude that parents have to maintain, something that makes this empowering question helpful. By itself, the question is helpful, but it’s not the only thing you need to have.

Read part 2 of this article to find out what that mindset is…

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Filed under: Every Day Life

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